anger
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“I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
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“I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
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“Turn letting go of the past into a “must”
The first step is to acknowledge what is holding you back and think about why you must move on. What exactly are you holding on to – a failed relationship? A slight from a friend or family member that you just can’t get over? Do you need to forgive someone – either in person or in your own heart – so that you can let go of anger and step into a more peaceful state?
Once you have identified why letting go of the past is so difficult, ask yourself: “What are the reasons that I absolutely must move beyond this?” How will your life change when you learn how to move on from the past? How will it change the trajectory of your relationships and help you stay connected with your partner? And how will you feel in this new chapter of your life?”
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What makes it hard to control my anger?
There are lots of things that can affect how you react to anger. This can mean you react poorly to anger or have trouble controlling it.
Your situation in life can affect how well you’re able to control anger. For example, it gets more difficult to control your anger if you’re stressed or you’re dealing with other challenges.
Your family history can also have a strong effect on how you manage anger and other negative emotions. Growing up, you may have learned unhelpful ways of dealing with anger from the adults in your life.
You may also be dealing with anger from the past that you weren’t able to deal with or express. This can make it harder to deal with new situations that make you feel angry.
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https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
Expressing anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
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“Hate can breed more negative emotions. It can affect personal and professional relationships. Hatred changes the chemistry in the brain. It stimulates the area in the brain responsible for planning and execution of motion. This part triggers aggression while feeling hateful to either defend or attack. This also creates ‘fight or flight’ responses and increases the levels of two hormones: cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones can cause weight gain, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and chronic illness. Hatred also triggers the mind to try to predict what the person being hated may do as a defense mechanism. This leads to further anxiety, restlessness, obsessive thinking, and paranoia, which affects overall mental health.”
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Blaming Others When Things Go Wrong | Inner Balance Counseling
“Decades ago, researchers discovered that people tend to take credit for themselves when things go well in life but lay blame on circumstances when things go poorly. This phenomenon is called “self-serving bias,” and nearly everyone is a culprit.”