angry
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The difference Between Pain and Suffering
There is a Buddhist teaching that says that when you get hurt, say, by an arrow, that is pain. The arrow hitting your arm, it hurts. Pain. However, there is a second arrow, which is your reaction to the arrow, the getting angry, the planning revenge, that is beyond pain, that is suffering.
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“Every human being has four fundamental needs: safety, integrity, love, and actualization. When anger arises, it can always be traced to one of these core needs going unmet. You can also think of anger as an indication that a boundary has been crossed. When you understand why you are angry, you can seek to meet your core need in a way that works for you and for those around you. By doing this, you can begin to improve your livelihood to have a more fulfilling life.”
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“I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
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“I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
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What makes it hard to control my anger?
There are lots of things that can affect how you react to anger. This can mean you react poorly to anger or have trouble controlling it.
Your situation in life can affect how well you’re able to control anger. For example, it gets more difficult to control your anger if you’re stressed or you’re dealing with other challenges.
Your family history can also have a strong effect on how you manage anger and other negative emotions. Growing up, you may have learned unhelpful ways of dealing with anger from the adults in your life.
You may also be dealing with anger from the past that you weren’t able to deal with or express. This can make it harder to deal with new situations that make you feel angry.
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The best fighter is never angry.
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Temper
A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: “Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?”
“You have something very strange,” replied Bankei. “Let me see what you have.”
“Just now I cannot show it to you,” replied the other.
“When can you show it to me?” asked Bankei.
“It arises unexpectedly,” replied the student.
“Then,” concluded Bankei, “it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over.”
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David Lynch on Consciousness, Creativity and the Brain (Transcendental Meditation)