childhood
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Childhood Trauma: How We Learn to Lie, Hide, and Be Inauthentic
By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.
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Childhood Trauma: How We Learn to Lie, Hide, and Be Inauthentic
By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.
783661450058186752
Childhood Trauma: How We Learn to Lie, Hide, and Be Inauthentic
By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.
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Childhood Trauma Influence
Childhood experiences, especially traumatic ones, can shape how people see the world, how they relate to others, and how they view themselves. It doesn’t necessarily define them forever, but it often becomes the foundation they either build on or try to rebuild from.
Let’s break it down a bit more—how childhood trauma shapes a person’s identity, behaviors, and emotional life:
1. Emotional Blueprint
- Childhood trauma can teach a child that the world is unsafe, unpredictable, or that they must suppress emotions to survive.
- As adults, this often shows up as anxiety, depression, difficulty trusting others, or emotional numbness.
2. Sense of Self
- Kids internalize what happens around them. If they were neglected, abused, or constantly criticized, they may grow up with a damaged self-image, always feeling “not good enough” or unsure of their worth.
- This can lead to perfectionism, people-pleasing, self-sabotage, or a fear of failure.
3. Attachment Styles
- The way caregivers interact with children creates an internal “template” for future relationships.
- Secure attachment = trust, openness, balance.
- Avoidant or anxious attachment (often trauma-related) = fear of intimacy, clinginess, or emotional withdrawal.
4. Survival Mechanisms
- Children develop coping mechanisms—like dissociation, hyper-independence, or overachievement—to deal with trauma. These often become long-term patterns that are hard to recognize or break as adults.
5. Core Beliefs and Identity
- Trauma can implant deep-rooted beliefs: “I am unlovable,” “I have to earn love,” “I can’t trust anyone,” or “I’m always in danger.”
- These beliefs shape personality traits, career choices, friendships, romantic relationships—even how someone talks to themselves internally.
6. Repetition Compulsion
- Some people unknowingly repeat traumatic dynamics in adult life—choosing partners or environments that mirror their childhood pain—as a subconscious way to “redo” or resolve it.
7. Creative Expression or Empathy
- On the other hand, trauma survivors often develop heightened sensitivity, creativity, empathy, and depth. Many artists, healers, and deep thinkers come from painful early life experiences.
If you’re thinking of this in terms of healing, transformation is very possible. Therapy, self-awareness, and safe relationships can slowly rewrite those scripts.
How does it shape the way we make decisions or express ourselves creatively as adults?
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Effects of childhood trauma: Symptoms and how to heal
“Childhood trauma may occur after an adverse event makes a child feel unsafe or unable to cope. Trauma can impair a child’s emotional and cognitive abilities and disrupt their academic and social development. Adults who experienced childhood trauma may have a higher risk of mental health conditions and certain physical health conditions. They may also have difficulty maintaining relationships with others.”
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Effects of childhood trauma: Symptoms and how to heal
“Childhood trauma may occur after an adverse event makes a child feel unsafe or unable to cope. Trauma can impair a child’s emotional and cognitive abilities and disrupt their academic and social development. Adults who experienced childhood trauma may have a higher risk of mental health conditions and certain physical health conditions. They may also have difficulty maintaining relationships with others.”
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Childhood Trauma: How We Learn to Lie, Hide, and Be Inauthentic
By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.