human behaviour
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“Insecure people put others down to raise themselves up.”
— Habeeb Akande
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“Insecure people put others down to raise themselves up.”
— Habeeb Akande
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Childhood Trauma: How We Learn to Lie, Hide, and Be Inauthentic
By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.
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“I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
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The Science Behind Jealousy And Envy| BetterHelp
“There are a number of theories on the reasons why people experience jealousy. Whether it’s over what other people have that we don’t or have accomplished by means of resources, privilege, opportunity, or hard work, it seems like jealousy has always been a part of being human. One theory is that jealousy was how our early ancestors defended themselves from infidelity, according to evolutionary psychology. Today, we’ve taken theory and applied it to more rigorous scientific study.”
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The Psychology of Hypocrisy – Why We Do it & How to Stop
“At the root of hypocrisy is a strong desire to be loved and accepted. The fear of humility and judgment is so powerful, that we use doublethink and cognitive dissonance to avoid facing ourselves.”
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The Science Behind Jealousy And Envy| BetterHelp
“There are a number of theories on the reasons why people experience jealousy. Whether it’s over what other people have that we don’t or have accomplished by means of resources, privilege, opportunity, or hard work, it seems like jealousy has always been a part of being human. One theory is that jealousy was how our early ancestors defended themselves from infidelity, according to evolutionary psychology. Today, we’ve taken theory and applied it to more rigorous scientific study.”
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Why Some People Will Always Blame Others
“The above research concluded that differences in emotion regulation predict whether we blame ourselves for our mistakes and misfortunes or we blame others. Specifically:
When experiencing negative emotions, poor emotion regulators are more likely to assume other people are responsible for their own bad choices.
Blaming others appears to reduce a person’s own negative emotions (e.g., anger, guilt, shame). This may explain why poor emotion regulators prefer to point fingers at others rather than hold themselves responsible.”
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Childhood Trauma Influence
Childhood experiences, especially traumatic ones, can shape how people see the world, how they relate to others, and how they view themselves. It doesn’t necessarily define them forever, but it often becomes the foundation they either build on or try to rebuild from.
Let’s break it down a bit more—how childhood trauma shapes a person’s identity, behaviors, and emotional life:
1. Emotional Blueprint
- Childhood trauma can teach a child that the world is unsafe, unpredictable, or that they must suppress emotions to survive.
- As adults, this often shows up as anxiety, depression, difficulty trusting others, or emotional numbness.
2. Sense of Self
- Kids internalize what happens around them. If they were neglected, abused, or constantly criticized, they may grow up with a damaged self-image, always feeling “not good enough” or unsure of their worth.
- This can lead to perfectionism, people-pleasing, self-sabotage, or a fear of failure.
3. Attachment Styles
- The way caregivers interact with children creates an internal “template” for future relationships.
- Secure attachment = trust, openness, balance.
- Avoidant or anxious attachment (often trauma-related) = fear of intimacy, clinginess, or emotional withdrawal.
4. Survival Mechanisms
- Children develop coping mechanisms—like dissociation, hyper-independence, or overachievement—to deal with trauma. These often become long-term patterns that are hard to recognize or break as adults.
5. Core Beliefs and Identity
- Trauma can implant deep-rooted beliefs: “I am unlovable,” “I have to earn love,” “I can’t trust anyone,” or “I’m always in danger.”
- These beliefs shape personality traits, career choices, friendships, romantic relationships—even how someone talks to themselves internally.
6. Repetition Compulsion
- Some people unknowingly repeat traumatic dynamics in adult life—choosing partners or environments that mirror their childhood pain—as a subconscious way to “redo” or resolve it.
7. Creative Expression or Empathy
- On the other hand, trauma survivors often develop heightened sensitivity, creativity, empathy, and depth. Many artists, healers, and deep thinkers come from painful early life experiences.
If you’re thinking of this in terms of healing, transformation is very possible. Therapy, self-awareness, and safe relationships can slowly rewrite those scripts.
How does it shape the way we make decisions or express ourselves creatively as adults?
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The Science Behind Jealousy And Envy| BetterHelp
“There are a number of theories on the reasons why people experience jealousy. Whether it’s over what other people have that we don’t or have accomplished by means of resources, privilege, opportunity, or hard work, it seems like jealousy has always been a part of being human. One theory is that jealousy was how our early ancestors defended themselves from infidelity, according to evolutionary psychology. Today, we’ve taken theory and applied it to more rigorous scientific study.”
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Motivation for Power: Why Do People Want to Be in Charge?
“According to Cislak, Cichocka, Wojcik, and Frankowska (2018), individuals seek power and leadership positions for two reasons. On one hand, they may be motivated to obtain control over others, especially to influence their behavior. On the other hand, they might be motivated by personal control instead, particularly to increase their own self-determination and autonomy.
This difference echoes back to Mary Parker Follett’s (1868-1933) earlier distinction between power over others (i.e., coercion) versus power with others (i.e., co-action) in management situations (Melé & Rosanas, 2003). Furthermore, much as Follett noted almost a century before, Cislak and associates (2018) also found that each type of motivation led to different leadership behaviors and outcomes. Those who sought power to control others tended to be aggressive and exploitative. Those who wanted more personal control over their own lives, however, were not aggressive or exploitative as leaders. Thus, power only seemed to be corrupting and negative for those who sought it to control other people in the first place.”
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“I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
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The Science Behind Jealousy And Envy| BetterHelp
“There are a number of theories on the reasons why people experience jealousy. Whether it’s over what other people have that we don’t or have accomplished by means of resources, privilege, opportunity, or hard work, it seems like jealousy has always been a part of being human. One theory is that jealousy was how our early ancestors defended themselves from infidelity, according to evolutionary psychology. Today, we’ve taken theory and applied it to more rigorous scientific study.”
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“Insecure people put others down to raise themselves up.”
— Habeeb Akande