influencer

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donotdestroy:

“You can’t copy anybody and end with anything. If you copy, it means you’re working without any real feeling.”

— Milt Jackson

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donotdestroy:

By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.

Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.

And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.

This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.

As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.

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donotdestroy:

“I have come this far through all the pain, not because of weakness, but because of the strength I have. You should thank Christ for making me who I am, because I am who you need. I am the one who can save you! You may believe you are a hero, but the real hero is me.”

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donotdestroy:

We lie to ourselves to protect our self-images, which allows us to act immorally while maintaining a clear conscience. According to the very latest research, self-deception may have even evolved to help us to persuade others; if we start believing our own lies, it’s much easier to get other people to believe them, too.

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donotdestroy:

Throwing shade is a slang term that means making subtle, indirect, or clever insults or criticisms about someone. It often involves being sly or sarcastic rather than outright rude, with the intent to demean or belittle someone in a subtle way.

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donotdestroy:

Stop Making Stupid People Famous.

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donotdestroy:

“There are different reasons why people bully, including wanting to dominate others and improve their social status, having low self-esteem and wanting to feel better about themselves, and lacking remorse or failing to recognize their behavior as a problem.”

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“Every human being has four fundamental needs: safety, integrity, love, and actualization. When anger arises, it can always be traced to one of these core needs going unmet. You can also think of anger as an indication that a boundary has been crossed. When you understand why you are angry, you can seek to meet your core need in a way that works for you and for those around you. By doing this, you can begin to improve your livelihood to have a more fulfilling life.”

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donotdestroy:

“You can’t copy anybody and end with anything. If you copy, it means you’re working without any real feeling.”

— Milt Jackson

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donotdestroy:

“And the big daddy that I learned from all this: I actually CAN’T paint like other artists, and nor do I want to. That’s the best thing this exercise has taught me over the years; it’s fun to experiment, to try out what other artists are doing, but if I only ever did that I’d be unfulfilled and dissatisfied. I’d be surrounded by a vegetarian buffet and craving steak.”

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donotdestroy:

“Humans are prone to the principle of least effort, often known as the ‘path of least resistance,’ which means they’ll go for whatever option requires the least work. Hypocrisy allows you to appear principled without having to be so, which is much easier than adhering to strict principles.”

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“Those who engage in public corrections of this sort often are looking to feel good about themselves, and, according to Benoît Monin, a psychology professor at Stanford University, displays of language all-knowing-ness provide a ready-made, two-pronged opportunity to do so. ‘The way we evaluate our competence is relative to other people,’ he says. ‘If I need to feel good about my language skills, one way that I could do that would be to give myself evidence that my language skills are awesome. Another is to give myself evidence that other people’s language skills suck. So by putting down other people, I can feel better about myself.’”

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