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Childhood Trauma: How We Learn to Lie, Hide, and Be Inauthentic
By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.
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Why We Overvalue and Devalue People
“Emotional conditioning by parents creates automatic regimens in how we respond to ourselves and to others in relationships. These knee-jerk reactions take place outside our awareness. Both personalities can show automatic black-and-white responses in the ways they overvalue and devalue people. This can create misunderstandings and conflicts in relationships and harm the way people treat themselves.”
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“The only rule of the marketplace was dog-eat-dog. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. You have to do whatever you can to survive.”
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Confidence vs Arrogance: Understanding the Critical Differences – CoachHub
Arrogance is an inflated self-image. Grounded in illusion, arrogance causes people to over-estimate themselves and form conflated ideas about their value. Arrogant people have a warped sense of themselves. They lack empathy and place themselves in a superior position to others.
Arrogance comes from a lack of self-awareness. They are arrogant person cannot see their weaknesses and exaggerate their strengths. Arrogant people tend to not have an accurate picture of how others perceive them and lack an appreciation for the value of others.
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“The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.”
— Lucille Harper
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66 years apart
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The Man With No Legal Identity – Off the Grid in Appalachia
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Turning Your Attention to Narcissistic Personality Disorder
What is narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that affects how you view yourself and relate to others. Having NPD means you have an excessive need to impress others or feel important. That need can be strong enough to drive harmful behaviors, negatively affecting you and those around you.
NPD gets its name from Narcissus, a hunter from Greek mythology. According to the myth, Narcissus was so obsessed with his own beauty that he couldn’t stop looking at his reflection in a pool of water. He did nothing else but stare at his reflection until he died.
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