mind
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Childhood Trauma: How We Learn to Lie, Hide, and Be Inauthentic
By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.
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Nothing Exists
Yamaoka Tesshu, as a young student of Zen, visited one master after another. He called upon Dokuon of Shokoku.
Desiring to show his attainment, he said: “The mind, Buddha, and sentient beings, after all, do not exist. The true nature of phenomena is emptiness. There is no realization, no delusion, no sage, no mediocrity. There is no giving and nothing to be received.”
Dokuon, who was smoking quietly, said nothing. Suddenly he whacked Yamaoka with his bamboo pipe. This made the youth quite angry.
“If nothing exists,” inquired Dokuon, “where did this anger come from?”
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Jung’s Advice for Aging
Carl Jung had a lot to say about aging and how to live meaningfully in later life. His perspective isn’t about rigid rules but more about embracing psychological growth and self-understanding. Key points include:
- Embrace Individuation – Jung believed that the later years are the time to focus on becoming your true self. This involves reflecting on your life, integrating different parts of your personality, and accepting both your strengths and weaknesses.
- Value Inner Life Over Outer Achievements – As you age, external accomplishments matter less. Jung advised cultivating the inner life—dreams, imagination, contemplation, and spiritual awareness—because this is where enduring fulfillment comes from.
- Stay Connected to Your Shadow – Don’t deny or suppress the darker, hidden aspects of yourself. Recognizing and understanding them brings wisdom and reduces inner conflict.
- Develop Meaningful Relationships – Relationships remain crucial, but Jung emphasized depth over quantity. Older age is a time for authentic connection, mutual understanding, and passing on wisdom.
- Accept Mortality – Aging is a natural process. Facing your mortality with awareness allows for a richer, more conscious experience of life, and reduces fear of death.
- Creativity and Contribution – Jung saw the later years as a chance to contribute through mentorship, art, writing, or any creative pursuit. This allows life to have purpose beyond personal gain.
- Balance Between Action and Contemplation – Jung stressed alternating between engaging with the world and turning inward. Both are essential for mental health and spiritual growth in later life.
A good way to summarize Jung’s advice: aging well is about self-acceptance, inner development, meaningful connections, and continuing to contribute to the world in ways that reflect your authentic self.
By ChatGPT
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“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.”
– Kurt Cobain
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“The world is not driven by greed, it’s drive by envy.”
— Charlie Munger
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“Hatred has to be learned, Golden says: ‘We are all born with the capacity for aggression as well as compassion. Which tendencies we embrace requires mindful choice by individuals, families, communities and our culture in general. The key to overcoming hate is education: at home, in schools, and in the community.’ According to Dutchevici, facing the fear of being vulnerable and utterly human is what allows us to connect, to feel, and ultimately, to love. She suggests creating ‘cracks in the system.’ These cracks can be as simple as connecting to your neighbor, talking with a friend, starting a protest, or even going to therapy and connecting with an ‘Other.’ It is through these acts that one can understand hate and love.”