mind
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“Whoever wants music instead of noise, joy instead of pleasure, soul instead of gold, creative work instead of business, passion instead of foolery, finds no home in this trivial world of ours.”
— Hermann Hesse
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“Insecure people put others down to raise themselves up.”
— Habeeb Akande
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“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.”
– Kurt Cobain
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What Happens In The Brain When We Dislike Somebody – Headspace
“In order to understand what happens in your body when you dislike someone, you can start by trying to understand fear. As Robert Sapolsky writes in “Why Your Brain Hates Other People,” when we see someone who even looks different from us, “there is preferential activation of the amygdala,” which means the brain region associated with fear and aggression flares up. This visceral, emotional reaction can spark a long-term pattern of dislike when it’s validated by action: if you perceive that someone has hurt you, your fear of them becomes rational. Our negative feelings toward someone get stronger as bad experiences with them pile up, and these negative thoughts trigger the fight-or-flight response in our bodies.”
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What is Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem is when someone lacks confidence about who they are and what they can do. They often feel incompetent, unloved, or inadequate. People who struggle with low self-esteem are consistently afraid about making mistakes or letting other people down.
Having self-esteem issues can be detrimental to your health and negatively affect your personal and professional relationships. There are many reasons why you may have low self-esteem — your genes, how and where you grew up, and other life circumstances all play a role.
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Temper
A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: “Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?”
“You have something very strange,” replied Bankei. “Let me see what you have.”
“Just now I cannot show it to you,” replied the other.
“When can you show it to me?” asked Bankei.
“It arises unexpectedly,” replied the student.
“Then,” concluded Bankei, “it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over.”
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The Science of Being Completely Full of It
“In 2005, researchers at the University of Southern California found the first evidence of brain abnormalities in pathological liars — the prefrontal cortex is always very active when people are telling lies, but their study found that liars had 25 percent more white matter, and 14 percent less gray matter, in their prefrontal cortex than non-liars, suggesting there can be a physiological predisposition to being a bullshit artist.”
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Why do we want to win all the time?
“How does evolutionary pressure toward competitiveness manifest itself in our day-to-day life? We approach challenges and competitions with a strong goal of winning. We feel happy (psychologically reinforced for our efforts) when we win. We feel angry or disappointed (psychologically punished) if we lose. The reactions of others may also reinforce our efforts to win. Cheers and high-5s make us feel good when we win. Our pals shaking their heads or looking at their feet when we lose has the opposite effect. Because our culture endorses winning, we see many models of winners reaping benefits and losers eating crow. These models affect us, consciously and unconsciously.”
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In our culture, external validation is valued over internal satisfaction.
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The frog of the well
“Have you not heard of the frog that lived in the well? It said to the turtle of the Eastern Sea, “I am so happy! I jump about the railings of the well, rest at the crack on the bricks; when I dive into the water, they support my arms and chin; when I scramble in the mud, they bury my feet and toes. I interact with crabs and play with minnows; nobody can compare to me. Furthermore, I dominate the water in this well, and enjoy the joy of being in the well. Isn’t it wonderful? Why don’t you come down and have a look?” The turtle of the Eastern Sea tried to get in the well, but before his left leg could even enter, his right knee was already stuck. So, it circled around and went back, and told the sea, “A thousand miles cannot describe its vastness; a thousand fathoms cannot measure its depth. In the time of Yu, there were floods nine out of ten years, yet the sea did not increase; in the time of Tang, there were droughts seven out of eight years, yet the cliffs did not decrease. The sea does not change with the passing of time or the amount of water it contains, this is the great joy of the Eastern Sea.” When the frog in the well heard this, it was astonished and could not find words to reply.”