parenting

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Brene Brown – Boundaries

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https://www.manarom.com/blog/body_shaming.html

“Body shaming-BS” คือ การที่คนอื่นมาวิพากษ์วิจารณ์รูปร่างหน้าตา การแต่งตัว บุคลิกท่าทาง และรูปลักษณ์ที่แสดงออกภายนอกของเรา ไม่ว่าจะเป็นการพูดตรงๆ พูดเปรียบเทียบ หรือพูดล้อเล่น คำพูดเหล่านี้ส่งผลเสียต่อร่างกายและจิตใจของคนที่ถูกต่อว่าล้อเลียนอย่างมาก (emotional trauma) เป็นรูปแบบหนึ่งของการกลั่นแกล้งกัน (bullying) ทำให้เหยื่อรู้สึกไม่ภาคภูมิใจในตัวเอง (low-self esteem) นำไปสู่การป่วยเป็นโรคด้านจิตเวชได้ เช่น โรคซึมเศร้า (Depression) โรควิตกกังวลเรื่องรูปร่างหน้าตา (Body Dysmorphic Disorder-BDD) โรคการกินผิดปกติ (Eating Disorder) ยิ่งถูก BS ตั้งแต่อายุน้อยเท่าไรโดยเฉพาะอย่างยิ่งช่วงวัยรุ่นที่ต้องมีพัฒนาสร้างความเป็นตัวตน (self-identity) จะส่งผลเสียอย่างมาก มีการศึกษาวิจัยจากทั่วโลกพบความชุกของเรื่อง BS ร้อยละ 25-35 รายงานที่พบความชุกมากสุด คือ ร้อยละ 45″

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“Several studies have shown that wealth may be at odds with empathy and compassion. Research published in the journal Psychological Science found that people of lower economic status were better at reading others’ facial expressions—an important marker of empathy—than wealthier people. ‘A lot of what we see is a baseline orientation for the lower class to be more empathetic and the upper class to be less [so],’ study co-author Michael Kraus told Time. ‘Lower-class environments are much different from upper-class environments. Lower-class individuals have to respond chronically to a number of vulnerabilities and social threats. You really need to depend on others so they will tell you if a social threat or opportunity is coming, and that makes you more perceptive of emotions.’ While a lack of resources fosters greater emotional intelligence, having more resources can cause bad behavior in its own right. UC Berkeley research found that even fake money could make people behave with less regard for others. Researchers observed that when two students played Monopoly, one having been given a great deal more Monopoly money than the other, the wealthier player expressed initial discomfort, but then went on to act aggressively, taking up more space and moving his pieces more loudly, and even taunting the player with less money.”

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Expressing anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

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Are you a responsible oldest child, an overlooked middle, or a free-wheeling baby? For those who adhere to the theory that birth order influences personality, the answer to that question may hold the key to who you are as a person. At parties, family dinners, and therapy sessions, people can use birth order as a kind of shorthand for personality traits—an only child’s selfishness, perhaps, or a middle child’s struggle for visibility.

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It’s important to recognize the signs of traumatic stress and its short- and long-term impact.

The signs of traumatic stress may be different in each child. Young children may react differently than older children.

Preschool Children

  • Fear being separated from their parent/caregive
  • Cry or scream a lot
  • Eat poorly or lose weight
  • Have nightmares

Elementary School Children

  • Become anxious or fearful
  • Feel guilt or shame
  • Have a hard time concentrating
  • Have difficulty sleeping

Middle and High School Children

  • Feel depressed or alone
  • Develop eating disorders or self-harming behaviors
  • Begin abusing alcohol or drugs
  • Become involved in risky sexual behavior”

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“Emotional conditioning by parents creates automatic regimens in how we respond to ourselves and to others in relationships. These knee-jerk reactions take place outside our awareness. Both personalities can show automatic black-and-white responses in the ways they overvalue and devalue people. This can create misunderstandings and conflicts in relationships and harm the way people treat themselves.”