By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.
Originally (African American Vernacular English, mid-1900s): Woke meant being awake and aware, especially about social and racial injustice. For example, someone who understood systemic racism or inequality might be described as “staying woke.”
Modern positive use: Still used by some to mean being socially conscious, aware of inequality, and supportive of justice (race, gender, LGBTQ+, environment, etc.).
Modern negative/critical use: In politics and media, some people use woke as a derogatory label for what they see as overly progressive or performative activism—like focusing too much on identity politics or being “too politically correct.”
