Boundaries are the invisible lines and limits we set to define what’s acceptable in our relationships, protecting our physical, emotional, and mental well-being by establishing rules for our space, time, feelings, and resources, helping build trust, safety, and respect while maintaining self-care and personal autonomy. They can be physical, emotional, material, or time-based, allowing us to say “no” and control our own lives without being overly rigid or too porous in interactions with others.
“In a recent Ditch the Label study, we spoke to 7,347 people about bullying. We asked respondents to define bullying and then later asked if, based on their own definition, they had ever bullied anybody. 14% of our overall sample, so that’s 1,239 people, said yes. What we then did was something that had never been done on this scale before; we asked them intimate questions about their lives, exploring things like stress and trauma, home lives, relationships and how they feel about themselves.”
Real Prosperity A rich man asked Sengai to write something for the continued prosperity of his family so that it might be treasured from generation to generation.
Sengai obtained a large sheet of paper and wrote: “Father dies, son dies, grandson dies.”
The rich man became angry. “I asked you to write something for the happiness of my family! Why do you make such a joke of this?”
“No joke is intended,” explained Sengai. “If before you yourself die your son should die, this would grieve you greatly. If your grandson should pass away before your son, both of you would be broken-hearted. If your family, generation after generation, passes away in the order I have named, it will be the natural course of life. I call this real prosperity.”
Word Series: Real Prosperity Poster. Size: 18 x 24 in. On a matte paper. Heavyweight stock.
Warren Buffett’s core principle is that you “can’t make a good deal with a bad person” because integrity and character are paramount; no contract can fully protect you from an unethical individual who enjoys loopholes and litigation, wasting time and energy, so it’s best to walk away from such partnerships to preserve peace of mind and focus on building lasting value with trustworthy, honest people.
By being treated in these damaging ways, the child learns that being yourself is dangerous, that in order to survive and be at least marginally accepted by your caregivers, you have to hide who you really are: your thoughts, observations, feelings, and preferences.
Other times the child decides to lie to get their needs met, needs that otherwise would be completely ignored. For example, if the caregivers are emotionally distant, the child might lie or pretend that somethings going on just to receive some attention.
And, of course, if the child is routinely attacked or rejected for being authentic, they learn to hide and pretend. In many cases, to the degree where they gradually lose connection to their authentic self and have no idea anymore who they really are.
This is tragic. However, its important to realize that, as adults, we don’t have to be afraid of abandonment anymore. We don’t need our caregivers to survive. We can endure and deal with all these feelings of betrayal, hurt, distrust, shame, loneliness, anger, and many others.
As adults we can slowly untangle all of these problems and slowly rediscover who we really are. We also can start working on trusting others who actually are trustworthy. We can become authentic again.
Stop being offended by a Facebook post or tweet, by a piece of art or literature, by people displaying affection, by what someone said to you. Be offended by war, poverty, greed and injustice.
Yamaoka Tesshu, as a young student of Zen, visited one master after another. He called upon Dokuon of Shokoku.
Desiring to show his attainment, he said: “The mind, Buddha, and sentient beings, after all, do not exist. The true nature of phenomena is emptiness. There is no realization, no delusion, no sage, no mediocrity. There is no giving and nothing to be received.”
Dokuon, who was smoking quietly, said nothing. Suddenly he whacked Yamaoka with his bamboo pipe. This made the youth quite angry.
“If nothing exists,” inquired Dokuon, “where did this anger come from?”
“Find a beautiful piece of art. If you fall in love with Van Gogh or Matisse or John Oliver Killens, or if you fall love with the music of Coltrane, the music of Aretha Franklin, or the music of Chopin – find some beautiful art and admire it, and realize that that was created by human beings just like you, no more human, no less.”
“Across the 12 countries spanning a wide range of cultures, people described “cool” in surprisingly similar ways. Across the globe, people consistently identified coolness with six traits: extroversion, hedonism, power, adventurousness, openness and autonomy.”
