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The Science Behind Jealousy And Envy| BetterHelp
“There are a number of theories on the reasons why people experience jealousy. Whether it’s over what other people have that we don’t or have accomplished by means of resources, privilege, opportunity, or hard work, it seems like jealousy has always been a part of being human. One theory is that jealousy was how our early ancestors defended themselves from infidelity, according to evolutionary psychology. Today, we’ve taken theory and applied it to more rigorous scientific study.”
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Maybe
Once upon a time, there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day, his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.
“Maybe,” the farmer replied.
The next morning, the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful!” the neighbors exclaimed.
“Maybe,” replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
“Maybe,” answered the farmer.
The day after that, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army.
Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
“Maybe,” said the farmer.
Moral: This story reminds us that opinions and judgments are often hasty and incomplete. What seems good or bad in the moment may shift with time. A Zen attitude invites us to see things without clinging to rigid opinions.
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Why Some People Will Always Blame Others
“The above research concluded that differences in emotion regulation predict whether we blame ourselves for our mistakes and misfortunes or we blame others. Specifically:
When experiencing negative emotions, poor emotion regulators are more likely to assume other people are responsible for their own bad choices.
Blaming others appears to reduce a person’s own negative emotions (e.g., anger, guilt, shame). This may explain why poor emotion regulators prefer to point fingers at others rather than hold themselves responsible.”
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Childhood Trauma Influence
Childhood experiences, especially traumatic ones, can shape how people see the world, how they relate to others, and how they view themselves. It doesn’t necessarily define them forever, but it often becomes the foundation they either build on or try to rebuild from.
Let’s break it down a bit more—how childhood trauma shapes a person’s identity, behaviors, and emotional life:
1. Emotional Blueprint
- Childhood trauma can teach a child that the world is unsafe, unpredictable, or that they must suppress emotions to survive.
- As adults, this often shows up as anxiety, depression, difficulty trusting others, or emotional numbness.
2. Sense of Self
- Kids internalize what happens around them. If they were neglected, abused, or constantly criticized, they may grow up with a damaged self-image, always feeling “not good enough” or unsure of their worth.
- This can lead to perfectionism, people-pleasing, self-sabotage, or a fear of failure.
3. Attachment Styles
- The way caregivers interact with children creates an internal “template” for future relationships.
- Secure attachment = trust, openness, balance.
- Avoidant or anxious attachment (often trauma-related) = fear of intimacy, clinginess, or emotional withdrawal.
4. Survival Mechanisms
- Children develop coping mechanisms—like dissociation, hyper-independence, or overachievement—to deal with trauma. These often become long-term patterns that are hard to recognize or break as adults.
5. Core Beliefs and Identity
- Trauma can implant deep-rooted beliefs: “I am unlovable,” “I have to earn love,” “I can’t trust anyone,” or “I’m always in danger.”
- These beliefs shape personality traits, career choices, friendships, romantic relationships—even how someone talks to themselves internally.
6. Repetition Compulsion
- Some people unknowingly repeat traumatic dynamics in adult life—choosing partners or environments that mirror their childhood pain—as a subconscious way to “redo” or resolve it.
7. Creative Expression or Empathy
- On the other hand, trauma survivors often develop heightened sensitivity, creativity, empathy, and depth. Many artists, healers, and deep thinkers come from painful early life experiences.
If you’re thinking of this in terms of healing, transformation is very possible. Therapy, self-awareness, and safe relationships can slowly rewrite those scripts.
How does it shape the way we make decisions or express ourselves creatively as adults?
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“Hatred has to be learned, Golden says: ‘We are all born with the capacity for aggression as well as compassion. Which tendencies we embrace requires mindful choice by individuals, families, communities and our culture in general. The key to overcoming hate is education: at home, in schools, and in the community.’ According to Dutchevici, facing the fear of being vulnerable and utterly human is what allows us to connect, to feel, and ultimately, to love. She suggests creating ‘cracks in the system.’ These cracks can be as simple as connecting to your neighbor, talking with a friend, starting a protest, or even going to therapy and connecting with an ‘Other.’ It is through these acts that one can understand hate and love.”
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The Male Ego: Definition, Causes, Tips, and More
“The male ego can in some cases be tied to how and where a man sees his place in the world and whether he’s living up to expectations — his and those of society.
Cultural stereotypes for men can be intricately tied to both the inflation and deflation of the male ego. Some men measure themselves by the answers to the following questions:
Am I strong enough? Am I wealthy enough? Do I meet the traditional definition of masculinity? Do I attract women? Do I control things or people? Do people recognize me for these things and am I respected and revered for them?”